'I'm sorry but ten kids is a big cost on our wedding budget': Drama ensues when bride invites only some of her religious sister's kids

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  • 01
    Font - AITA for only inviting some of my sister's children to my wedding? I (f25) got married to my husband (m25) in August. We kept it small and simple and didn't want too many guests due to budget, so we only invited close family members and friends. My older sister 'Dawn' (f38) has ten children (m17, f16, m14, f10, f9, m7, m5, m3, m3 and m1). My parents and the rest of my family aren't religious, but Dawn and her husband are very hardcore Christians and believe that having lots of children is
  • 02
    Font - Obviously, inviting all of my nieces and nephews would be quite a cost. My wedding isn't child-free, but my husband and I decided it would be fairest if we only invited Dawn's three eldest kids. I talked to Dawn about it and explained our reasoning, but she was really offended and said that I'm picking favourites. I told her I'm sorry but ten kids is a big cost on our wedding budget and that we tried to be as fair as possible.
  • 03
    Font - Dawn accused me of being a bridezilla and thinking I'm too good for her and her family. I told Dawn if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come, but that she's my sister and I really want her at the wedding. Dawn, her husband and three eldest did come to the wedding, but with other family members bringing small children, everyone was asking her about why not all of their kids were there.
  • 04
    Font - After the wedding, Dawn has been very off around me lately. She told me she 'understands how I feel about her babies' and said that I'm a bad sister and a terrible aunt, and has accused me of not respecting her religion and lifestyle. My parents and other siblings have been making comments like "don't get too excited for xyz, OP said only three people can come because there's too many of us".
  • 05
    Font - The comments have been getting to me a bit and I'm wondering if I was the AH. ETA: my husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves. I didn't want to ask my parents or Dawn for help with paying for anything because neither of them have a lot of money. If Dawn offered to help cover costs so all of her kids could come I wouldn't have a problem.
  • 06
    Font - 2000 GreenRed Crescent. 16 hr. ago edited 14 hr. ago I might get downvoted but NTA. If your sister was so upset she could've offered to contribute towards the costs. A consequence of having a load of kids is that people aren't going to want to cater to all of them at events because it is a big cost. Edit: I agree this could've been planned better to prevent drama as others suggested a blanket rule, but I don't think OP is an AH and I can see their logic behind it. Hindsight is 20:20. 10.5
  • 07
    Font - formidable-opponent 14 hr. ago So true. I have two kids and my sister has four. My sister always insists everything be "fair" down to the kids getting the same Christmas presents! On her kids birthday I would get them presents but she never returns the favor, which hurts my kids feelings. I personally am just not going to play that game because my parents already deal with enough BS from her so I just let things slide. However, last summer my folks decided to do a long weekend trip and pa
  • 08
    Font - Green Red Crescent 14 hr. ago Exactly. Parents are the ones responsible for their children. I'd have a different outlook if the sister offered to contribute money but that's not the case. Ten kids is A LOT!! And more kids is more costs! 987 Reply Share
  • 09
    Font - formidable-opponent 14 hr. ago Ten kids is just irresponsible, in my opinion. My sister keeps wanting more and more kids. They don't have much for money. Neither do I and I don't think being able to procreate and raise kids should be the privilege of the "well to do" but I keep telling her: even if you were a millionaire it's not right to just keep having more and more kids because there's only 24 hours in a day and only so many of those hours you can give your kids attention. There's jus
  • 10
    Font - GreenRed Crescent 14 hr. ago Anyone who has kids that they can't provide for is beyond irresponsible. I have a lot of friends who come from families with 7+ children and they all resent their parents. I don't personally agree with people having that many children either. I'm sure there are happy healthy families out there with lots of kids but kids need at least some privacy and undivided attention. Having many kids puts strain on that.
  • 11
    Font - We're only human and there's definitely no way to give each child the emotional support and guidance they need. When it comes to this specific situation though, I think stances on big families are irrelevant because either way sister is an AH for expecting OP to foot the bill for all ten kids. 620 Reply Share
  • 12
    Font - Mysterious_Ad7461. 11 hr. ago Having seven kids made sense when 4 of them would die before they were 10, but that's not the case anymore
  • 13
    Font - FHOL londontubeshirt 11 hr. ago That's the morbid truth. Like now we have birth control and longer life expectancies, let's make decisions accordingly.
  • 14
    Font - Saturnine Elegiac. 8 hr. ago I knew a woman with 10 kids. When her oldest got married at 18, the next in line was a 14yr old girl who got his "room." His room was the walk in closet in the parent's bedroom. But she was so excited to not have to share a room with her young siblings as they lived a dozen people in a three bedroom house. :/ 134 Reply
  • 15
    Font - vchia042549 12 hr. ago. edited 12 hr. ago It's funny that OP's sister is so concerned about OP inviting all the kids to be fair; considering that she already has 10 kids and doesn't show any signs of stopping. And her youngest is only 1 and still an infant. Even with an extremely good support system, there's simply no way that two people alone can evenly divide their time and focus between that many children without great cost to all of the kids' emotional well- being. It's already diffic
  • 16
    Font - I also have a strong feeling that the older children are expected to help take care of their younger siblings, and it's not fair to parentify your older kids. And it's not fair to ANY of the kids that the parents have overextended themselves, bc the children are inevitably never going to have enough of their parents' attention. If OP's sister was really concerned about treating all her kids fairly then she shouldn't have had so many to start with.

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